There's no place like home and I don't have one

I moved in with my sister on August 1. Into her basement to be exact. Beforehand, I idealized what this would be like, imagining taking my little nephew to the zoo and museum and parks to play. I thought my sister and I would have heart-to-heart talks over tea in the morning. I thought that all my friends in my hometown would be lining up to hang out with me.

None of this has happened. Instead, I have spent quite a bit of time by myself, reading, organizing and surfing the internet. My sister and her husband's household is usually in a state of chaos. Keys get lost, checking accounts are not balanced, meals are unplanned - causing my sister to visit the grocery store about 4 times a week. I get lots of mini-lectures about:

turning off lights,
turning off the outside water (after I do my chore of watering the plants and lawn daily),
making sure water doesn't seep into the loose floor tile in the bathroom,
making sure I rinse my recyclables before putting them in the bin,
not turning on the dehumidifier in the basement unless my brother-in-law thinks it should be,
and on
and on
and on.

I haven't committed any of the above infractions, but my sis and her husband sure have. And I don't say a thing.

Not to sound ungrateful, because I am happy not to be homeless.

But I am not happy about being treated like a 15 year old, and I don't like that the family eats everything I buy from the store (with my much-needed foodstamps), even when they know I bought the stuff. I also just miss having my own home, A HOME.

There really is no place like it.

Keeping my head held high

I have been kicked in the teeth more than a few times this past couple weeks. Sometimes, it's hard to hold your head high when you feel like there is a 20 pound weight dangling from a rope around your neck.

To mitigate my lack of income, I am moving into my sister's house next week. And it doesn't feel very good to have to rely on my family for anything. I was always that independent kid, who moved out at 18 and never asked for a penny from my parents. When I needed to move, I even did that on my own, managing to heft a couch down two flights of stairs and get it into the moving van. It probably took me about 8 years longer to finish my education because I didn't ask for and didn't receive any help to pay for it. But I did it. I think that's why I am having such a hard time lately accepting help. The food stamps were one thing, but moving in to my sister's basement is quite another. It has to happen though, so I guess I should continue cracking jokes about it to make myself feel better.

The other fun thing this past week was finding that I didn't get a job when a classmate posted on her facebook status that she was the one selected for it. Ouch! To be honest though, I didn't feel the job was a good fit for my interests and skills. However, I just want a fucking job. Is that too much to ask? I am smart and a hard worker. I networked my ass off for months, and that's what you are supposed to do, right?

Looking at all this from a more positive perspective....I am very lucky to have a sister who will take me in, and enough money to put my stuff in storage for 2 months. Not getting that job hurt, but maybe that's the universe telling me it wasn't the right job for me. Also, I am fortunate that one of my best friends from law school is going through much of the same anxiety with me. Having someone to commiserate with makes a huge difference.

Lastly, a word to those who have applied to law school: don't even consider doing this unless you really love the law, don't mind a decrease in your self-esteem and are ready to stick to your ideals at the expense of your financial life. It's tough out there. Figure out why you want to do this. If it's because it's all you ever wanted, then go for it. If it's because you have a degree in English Lit and don't know what to do with yourself, you are in trouble.

If I didn't really care about access to justice and helping people get it (no matter what their income is) I think I would have died from the stress of law school and job hunting.

Food stamps

The joy of food stamps. Who knew I would be getting them after law school and feel so little shame about it. Just kinda sucks that it has to be this way, but until I get a job, I need to eat.

The amount of cash in my household is very very low. Looking forward to cashing in our "piggy bank" this week.

Sad.

Hey, you aren't baby spinach

Dear readers:

As a public service, I must tell you about an imposter in our midst. Recently, I was at the farmer's market and bought some "baby spinach." (Quotes intentional) I got it home and started cooking it to add to my already delicious pasta dish for dinner.

But it smelled a little....weird. I thought I was just being a freak about it, and that maybe it was just really really fresh. NOT.

It tasted really pungent and not in a good way. Turns out, that we have a green named tatsoi masquerading as my beloved spinach. And this tatsoi is no spinach my friend.

Tatsoi has been described as mustard like, and a bok choy variant. What it really is, is just straight up yucky. Sorry to all the tatsoi lovers out there, but I call shenanigans.

Still jobless

So, I didn't get that terrific job. They called after the second interview and said that they decided to hire a transfer applicant from one of their other offices. Even worse is that our career services lady mentioned in an offhand way when I saw her the next day that she knew they were going to hire the transfer person. WTF? Gee, thanks for letting me know that before I bought a new suit for the second interview. Like I have money laying around for that. Yeah, right.

I feel frustrated with the whole job situation. I went to a really good law school, and did OK. I was on law review. I was involved in student orgs. I did two externships, one with the Appellate Court. I did everything I was supposed to do, and yet I am sitting here in June with no job, and a pending food stamp application.

I think things would be better if my significant other had a job, or was even remotely employable. But he really isn't. They aren't hiring in his field, and he is just frozen with fear, acting like that's a good excuse to do nothing. He keeps just searching for the same job over and over. When I mentioned a decent paying entry level position, he just said, "But I have that test to work for the unemployment division next week. What abouot that?" What about that you idiot? Odds are, even if he kicks ass at the test, there will be hundreds of other applicants. It's very frustrating to deal with someone who thinks he can only apply to one fucking job at a time.

As for me: I had an interview working for a firm that wants to start up a bankruptcy practice. The interview went OK, but they really (from a business standpoint) should hire someone other than me. And I know that. And it's OK. But OK doesn't pay the damn rent. Speaking of which, I have no idea how that will happen next month.

Shit.

Interview today

I have a second interview today, at a place in my hometown, where I would really like to work. It is a place where I could really make a difference. According to the lawyers working there who attended my first interview, there is a ton of work to be done, and there will be a TON of court time. This actually excites me.

There is a video of some of those involved with this organization talking about the project I am interviewing for posted on the net. It's an hour long, and I have been watching it (again) this morning, desperately trying to come up with new questions to ask at the interview. That is the tough part as I "used up" my 4 good questions at the last interview.

Does anyone have any "go to" questions for public interest interviews?

(I already used up questions about funding, grants, and the project's legislative advocacy.)

Graduation

What else can I say right now. I had such a hectic last couple weeks:

getting the public interest award from the bar,
job application due dates,
finally get the OK to get admitted to the bar,
an interview,
an exam, then a paper due the next day, then a mock hearing yesterday,

And now...I finally graduated.

It hasn't sunk in yet. I don't know when it will. I feel so exhausted and happy and I want to hurry up and find those classmates who are leaving town soon, so I can say goodbye and wish them well.

And I want to get back to "real life." The life I left behind wasn't based on "book" learning: it was about the lessons you learn from going through births and deaths and marriages and relationships. The law still seems like a big bunch of theory with a question at the end that won't be answered until I am actually able to help someone with my degree.

Not to say I haven't had a life while in law school, but it was one that centered around classmates and classes and intellectual growth, and trying to figure out how to best use the things about practicing law that I am good at and to decipher the hard parts enough to get through them.

I thought the giant question mark would scare me, but it really is a world of possibility.

And I am ready to take that on.

LMAO

Yep, I have been feeling a little bad about not having a job, but I found this blog, which makes me feel like a million bucks in comparison to some poor saps out there.

My favorite of course, is the infamous naked wizard gets tazed video, for obvious reasons.

Hilarious Celebrity Apprentice Quote

In the board room:

Ivanka Trump: "These are the things that most project managers wouldn't forgo the opportunity to be a part of."

Brady (former Playmate) "I didn't "forgoo" anything."

Wow. This woman is an idiot. LOL!

Finally - my paralegal experience pays off

Throughout law school, I have been shocked and sometimes upset with how easily my fellow law students and potential employers have dismissed my years of paralegal experience. I worked hard at that job. I helped build a firm from the ground up. I happened to have worked for someone who trusted me and who gave me a long rope (which I sometimes attempted to wrap around my own neck out of frustration. That enabled me to develop an advertising mechanism that doubled the net profit of the firm from that point on. I hired and trained staff, including attorneys. I learned how to handle conflict, both with clients and the sometimes ornery opposing counsel in our cases.

Frankly, I kicked ass at that job. The owner told me I had to go to law school because I had a knack for the business and communication portions of law practice. I was successful, and sometimes, when the joblessness brings up that tiny bit of fear about the future that sometimes ebbs when I feel stressed, I wish I could go back to that job.

Which makes it even harder when the skills I honed there are so easily disregarded as unimportant. Paralegals really are the ones running most law firms. They provide continuity, mediate disputes among staff, ensure quality work product and keep the firm on an even keel.

This morning, I got a call from a firm I applied to. Granted, I didn't really want to start applying to jobs at law firms, but it's a small planitiffs' firm, which doesn't offend my public interest sensibilities. The woman who called immediately told me that the firm had decided to hire someone with 3-5 years of experience, but that they loved my resume and experience, and wanted to consider my paralegal experience as fulfilling that requirement. Hallelujah!

The scary thing is that they want someone who can start up a bankruptcy/debtors' rights practice for them. I have a ton of experience in this area, but not as an attorney. The thought of doing all of that on my own scares me, but is also exciting. In this economy, bankruptcy is booming, and I should take advantage of my knowledge in that area.

I really just want to save the world though.

Still jobless. Have company.

So, update is that I am still job hunting. The good news is that:

a) I am by far not the only one. Some of my smartest, most competent friends and family are still looking too, so I don't feel too inadequate because of my unemployment.
2) I have an interview in my hometown for a job on Wednesday. Please God, let me get that job. It pays almost nothing, but it's doing really good, important work.

The job is at a legal services place, and I would probably have to improve my ability to speak Spanish by about a million percent if I got it, but I think I could really love the work. Can you imagine loving your job? I didn't used to, but I can see loving this. Helping people eliminate barriers to employment is a great thing. Who wouldn't want that job?

OK, the bad thing is that I can't let myself get too excited about it. Period. A crushing defeat might be too much for me right now. How about a tenuous optimism? That sounds very good.

My own ecomonic crisis

So, I am running out of money. Fast. I knew when I started law school that my savings would be out by the middle of this school year, and that I would have to rely 100% on student loans. Then my significant other lost his job.

And it has been rough. No spring break trips for us. While classmates headed to Florida and Mexico and other warm destinations, we went on a day trip an hour away to visit friends. I am not complaining - I had a good time. It just is hard to have two people in my household looking for jobs, and being so incredibly low on money. His car needed a new transmission 2 weeks ago. We actually found out about that $1700 bill the same day he got into an accident with an uninsured driver. There goes $2,200.

I figured out that we will be out of money entirely by the middle of June, and I will have to start waitressing or something. No shame in that, but it is a little odd for someone with a law degree to be waiting tables again.

One step forward, two steps back.

He went to a teachers job fair this morning. Said that he handed out his resume and chatted up some people, but no one was interviewing people with his specialty area. I am happy that he went. I think that both of us need to improve our confidence - and you can't do that staying at home!

For those soon-to-be law students reading this, be aware that these are bizarre times. Normally, more than half my class would have jobs by now. Normally, I would have a damn job by now. However, before you go to law school, think about what you would do if you couldn't find a job after. Seriously.