Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Keeping my head held high

I have been kicked in the teeth more than a few times this past couple weeks. Sometimes, it's hard to hold your head high when you feel like there is a 20 pound weight dangling from a rope around your neck.

To mitigate my lack of income, I am moving into my sister's house next week. And it doesn't feel very good to have to rely on my family for anything. I was always that independent kid, who moved out at 18 and never asked for a penny from my parents. When I needed to move, I even did that on my own, managing to heft a couch down two flights of stairs and get it into the moving van. It probably took me about 8 years longer to finish my education because I didn't ask for and didn't receive any help to pay for it. But I did it. I think that's why I am having such a hard time lately accepting help. The food stamps were one thing, but moving in to my sister's basement is quite another. It has to happen though, so I guess I should continue cracking jokes about it to make myself feel better.

The other fun thing this past week was finding that I didn't get a job when a classmate posted on her facebook status that she was the one selected for it. Ouch! To be honest though, I didn't feel the job was a good fit for my interests and skills. However, I just want a fucking job. Is that too much to ask? I am smart and a hard worker. I networked my ass off for months, and that's what you are supposed to do, right?

Looking at all this from a more positive perspective....I am very lucky to have a sister who will take me in, and enough money to put my stuff in storage for 2 months. Not getting that job hurt, but maybe that's the universe telling me it wasn't the right job for me. Also, I am fortunate that one of my best friends from law school is going through much of the same anxiety with me. Having someone to commiserate with makes a huge difference.

Lastly, a word to those who have applied to law school: don't even consider doing this unless you really love the law, don't mind a decrease in your self-esteem and are ready to stick to your ideals at the expense of your financial life. It's tough out there. Figure out why you want to do this. If it's because it's all you ever wanted, then go for it. If it's because you have a degree in English Lit and don't know what to do with yourself, you are in trouble.

If I didn't really care about access to justice and helping people get it (no matter what their income is) I think I would have died from the stress of law school and job hunting.


five tomatoes said...

Hang in there...something will come up!

kao said...

I just applied to law school, and really appreciate reading your blog.